When times are grey…
I would say the past two weeks have been the most challenging part of my trip so far, and so although it’s very easy to write about the good times, it’s also realistic to talk about the harder times too.
As to be expected, I’ve suffered with “travellers sickness” over the past few weeks and with this has come a lot of homesickness. I’ve found myself longing for a bath, for my own bed, to watch TV on the sofa and for a cup of tea…whereas before these things I was easily doing without. My pink room on the school campus felt homely enough and I was beginning to enjoy my free time sitting around in the apartment. However being unwell so far from home suddenly made everything seem less comfortable, and the culture even less familiar. By the end of last week, my mind began to drift off to thoughts of going home and would I ever feel better for the rest if my time here. I had to dig deep, but I had to force myself out of thinking like that because I can’t go home an deep down I am not ready to leave. I realised as I was sobbing (don’t worry Mum) on the sofa that there is still so much here that I want to do and there is so much more I know my students can do; and so I was encouraged and accepted this is all a part of travelling.
There are a few things which have really kept me going, such as my flat mate. She hasn’t been bothered by my sickness and is good enough to give me her laptop to watch comedies when I’m moping alone. As well as this, thinking of what I can look forward to doing when I do get home, a map if England from ‘Country Living’ magazine, my sister’s ‘funny’ insults via Skype and the Les Miserables soundtrack keep me sane and make me feel closer to home in small ways.
However, it’s my students that make this all worth while and make me smile every time I see them. Despite teaching them sitting down, trying not to fall asleep and clearly unwell, they appreciated the poor lesson I had for them. I was amazed how fascinated they were as I sat and chatted about my life in England and as they became more confident asking questions, I felt I was teaching them something they really want to learn about. Having a class if 70 applaud you when you say a few European countries and the word pancake in Chinese is quite emotional.
A couple of nights ago, the grade I teach (around 600 students divided into 12 classes) had a dance competition and I’m so grateful as I was reminded why I am in China. As I watched them performing traditional Chinese dance in their colourful traditional dress, I felt like a proud parent in the front row watching. Each class performed a dance from different aspects of Chinese culture and realised I was watching something I can see no where else in the world. They looked so beautiful and I learnt so much, I couldn’t believe it was my shy students up on stage displaying their hidden talents!
It was around this point I was told “the foreign teachers must sing a song on stage next.” Right, what do I know that will only be a few painful seconds and what can this room of about one thousand people sing along to. I remembered a girl from one class said they love ‘My Little Sunshine’ and so about five minutes later I was on stage, microphone in hand, with no music singing to my students (who for the first time in two months decided to be silent while I’m talking to them). But there is something about Chinese students that put you at ease and looking out to their faces made me love every second. Last week was a challenge and slightly grey, but my students made me feel at happy and at home again. Things are not perfect but I will appreciate and enjoy what is now the last half.
Of course I am now concerned my contribution to the talent show has caused me to lose all authority as a teacher, yet I hope they will now see me as a girl they can talk to and be comfortable with in class. I hope by joining in with them they won’t be so painfully shy when speaking English and won’t fear me telling them off if they “get it all mixed up.” I do wonder f they would feel like this if they knew I have gone to bed every night clutching my teddy.
